Be Careful What You Ask For
I’m strange with dating. I consider a date enjoyable if I I meet a girl who I’m attracted to, we have a great time and really seem to click and I end up wanting to go out with her again. I also REALLY enjoy dates that most people would consider complete disasters.
Saturday night I had a date with the girl who described herself as enjoying necropsies on dogs and cats.
First off, props to her on being deceitful. She had 8 photos on her profile and in each of them she looked to weigh around 120 lbs. In reality I’d say she was a good 30 lbs over that estimate. Those of you that know me know I have no problem whatsoever with a girl who’s got a little meat on her. That’s not the issue. The problem was the deception. It was masterful and I applaud her.
She mentioned she had some quirks about 1/2 way through the date. I’ll be up front and say that when a girl mentions she has quirks, I usually push her into telling me what they are. You can’t dangle that carrot in front of me and not expect me to gallop. This time however I got more than I bargained for. She pulled out her phone and proceeded to show me pictures of a cat’s brain she’d dissected after it died. Half way through a date I was shown pictures of A CAT’S BRAIN.
I decided it was time to talk about living creatures and brought up her three dogs she’d mentioned. She told me how every day…EVERY DAY (this girl does NOT exaggerate)…she puts on Forrest Gump and Silence of the Lambs for the dogs to watch because it’s their favorite movies. She also mentioned how she owns 67 collars for her favorite of the three dogs. Take a few minutes and discuss this paragraph amongst yourselves.
When I was young everyone wanted a pair of Converse All-Star shoes. They were big with basketball and were the first high-top. If I weren’t so lazy I’d do a 10 second Google search to verify that fact but alas, I don’t care. As I got older I cared less and less about that make of shoe. I still had nostalgia for them, but I didn’t desire a pair. I’m saying all this because this girl’s love for Converse All-Stars still burns bright. She has the logo tattoed on the inside of each ankle. She also owns 38 pairs.
As if all that wasn’t enough, she’s getting a tattoo today. A tattoo of a shirt I designed and she saw when I sent her the link to my website. She’s a vegetarian and I’d designed a shirt promoting vegetarianism and she decided it was the perfect tattoo to cover up the small Asian symbol in the small of her back. You heard me right. She’s getting a tramp-stamp of a shirt I designed.
God help me.
2 years ago