November 2009
6 posts
M.A.S.H.
Tonight I go on a date with a 21 year old Army medic who plays Warcraft because she used it as a way to stay in touch with her mom while she was in Iraq. I’ve only got one question…
You think there’s a practical way to work battlefield psychological trauma into bedroom fun? You know, just in case.
Be Careful What You Ask For
I’m strange with dating. I consider a date enjoyable if I I meet a girl who I’m attracted to, we have a great time and really seem to click and I end up wanting to go out with her again. I also REALLY enjoy dates that most people would consider complete disasters.
Saturday night I had a date with the girl who described herself as enjoying necropsies on dogs and cats.
First off,...
“I’m not really an animal person. I don’t like dogs or cats, but I...”
– My friend from the restroom altercation was attempting to have an entire conversation with me through text message. I called her and this was what she had to say.
I Ran
If you think you’ll get away with getting it on in a bathroom stall at a club…you’re sorely mistaken. There will be a man waiting outside the restroom and he’ll escort both of you directly out a back door.
Do not pass go.
Do not collect $200.
I’d be proud if the restroom stall had been my idea.
And the title’s funny since the girl was from Iran. Get it?!...
“I could be a crazy serial killer with great hair and wits that cannot be...”
– The latest girl to email me. I can’t help but respond to these psychos.
Fucking Listen to my Wisdom
I’m starting to believe that if you kiss enough people you’ll become invincible.
Conversely if you sleep with enough people I’m pretty sure at some point you keel over dead.