January 2009
25 posts
What's the last book you've read?
If you’re a woman, and on a dating site, chances are 50/50 it was, “Eat, Pray, Love”.
No really. EVERY woman has that listed on their profile. So if you’re thinking of online dating, and you lack a dong, I’d consider listing something classy like “Fucking and Punching”.
“Rollerskating hot little mama seeking an honest man to enjoy life and...”
– A non-contestant’s intro. I couldn’t make this up if I tried.
“You look FANTASTIC with straight hair, but really really bad with curly hair. I...”
– My thoughts while browsing a user’s photos on match.com
A Break...
Things I’ve learned so far:
1. Dating is EXPENSIVE. Holy shit. I had 4 dates in 5 days last weekend and blew approximately $200. And half the time we were splitting the bill!
2. Women like to drink. A lot. That or else I just have skills with picking them. Or I’m a master at making them feel uncomfortable enough to “drink till it’s fun”.
3. There’s...
“I’m completely impressed and intrigued by creative people as I lack...”
– An email from a non-candidate on match.com
By the numbers
3 dates in 4 days
$120 spent on 3 dates
3 contestants that enjoy smoking out
2 dragon tattoos on 1 contestant
1 in-depth conversation on the joys of typography and kerning
2 coked-out strangers attempting to “enhance” 1 date
$60 for 6 beers
1 makeout session in 1 bar
1 360º spin on a highway in the rain
2 contestants who attended 1 monster truck rally
2 contestants...
Dear giant coked-out woman and dwarfish coked-out...
When I sat down at the bar awaiting my date, and miss New Jersey ‘93 walked up in her purple and tan jacket that looked as if the fabric had been lifted directly from my grandma’s sofa and slurred, “I was waiting in line for the restroom but it smells like urine over there”, I must admit I was intrigued because I’m like a fly on shit with weird people. Even after the...
This weekend
I have two dates scheduled between now and Monday and the potential for a third. Depending on how these go I could be writing a LOT Sunday night…
Carpet-Email-Bombing
I’m currently in the midst of a match.com email-bombing spree. I’m figuring my response rate is right around 1 out of 10 so I’m trying to throw a wide net.
And yes, this is basically taking up all my time. It’s fun! Like running my own reality tv show! Except if I find a psycho she could seriously injure me!
Contestant #4
So honestly, I don’t really see this going anywhere…at all, but I REALLY wanna go on a date with this girl! I just wanna find out what she’s like in person and see if her profile accurately depicts the deeply rooted psychosis I suspect she’s harboring.
The thing is this, a love of martial arts means nothing. A love of guns means nothing. A love of Fightclub means...
“I’m proud of my ability to survive in less-than-perfect circumstances. My...”
– Contestant #4
“I am passionate about self-preservation! Collecting guns and practicing mixed...”
– Contestant #4
“Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk is my favorite book. Recommended by a friend, and...”
– Contestant #4
“Most of my leisure time is spent at the gym, training with my fellow fighters....”
– Contestant #4
Probably for the best...
I’ve decided that if I even get a HINT of ANY potential with a contestant I’m going to hold off on saying anything negative about them until after I know there’s not a chance in hell I’d get involved with them on a long-term basis. I realized that it would really blow to get involved with a girl and have all my friends already knowing everything negative that I ever...
Contestant #1
Talked with contestant #1 on the phone last night for the first time. We decided a photo field trip on Sunday to Cabbagetown would be a fun meetup, but it would HAVE to be later in the day since she’d probably be hungover from the monster truck rally she’d be attending the night before. I also received a dissertation on all the Rocky movies and why Rocky was the best but 2,3, and 4...
The Setup...
Like I said in the last post, I’m on 3 sites. Right now Match.com is working out the best for me. It has a high number of good looking women, but most of them just aren’t responsive. I’ve had numerous girls looking at my profile or even send me “winks” (the online equivalent of an eye-fucking) and when I message them…nothing. But there’s two I’m...
Let the Insanity Commence
I’ve been online dating for a few months now. At first I was just doing eharmony and I guess that was a good first step. They sent me 300 matches, I ended up going on a few dates with one girl. But now, now it’s time to step things up a bit.
I’m now a member on 3 dating sites; match.com, plentyoffish.com and eharmony.com, and I’m dedicated to dating an INSANE amount of...