A woman cracked my thumb knuckles while I was playing with her nipples this evening. I’m not sure what inspired her to wreak havoc on my joints, but we were in a parking lot and I was enjoying her nipples when out of nowhere she decided they needed to be adjusted.
7 months agoI’m reading back over what I’ve written and found a spot where I kissed a girl who had stubble?! WTF?!! This is confusing to me cause it’s happened AGAIN since I’ve been in LA. There’s some fucking beard epidemic going on.
11 months agoSome people are expressing their support for me after reading this post. I just wanna make something clear; I was laughing the entire two mile walk to my truck from the show. I was still drunk when I wrote this and was pretty pissed, but I wasn’t hurt. At all. I needed a fun girl for a little while and she worked perfect but it was time to move on. I’m just glad I got a story out of it. :)
1 year agoI haven’t written in a while. I got involved with a girl in Atlanta and things were “good”. But now I’m back in LA and, well, I’m dating LA girls. Shit’s gonna get real.
Tonight I had what can easily be described as the biggest dating fail of my life. I’ve been hangin with a girl who I figured had an ex, but I didn’t realize to what level. Btw, you always know she has someone when she’s WAY eager to post a pic of you and her playing tonsel hockey on her facebook page. Nobody wants to do that after two dates unless they’re trying to seduce a beef serpent they used to know personally.
Whatever. We had a blast. I took her to a show, she took me to two. She gave the best head I’ve ever experienced. The topper was tonight’s show…the Black Keys at The Palladium. Epic show. Sick. Sold out in 48 hours. I was stoked. But from the minute I got to her house I could tell something was amiss.
Guys, never doubt your instincts. EVER.
Girls…whatever. You’re on your own.
We went to The Well to pre-party it and her friend Bill stopped by. Everything was chill, I got the intro, we all chatted. A few minutes later her friend Adam stopped by. Adam was special.
Apparently Adam had been saving up wrist bands for the last few years so he could get backstage at whatever show he wanted. Whatever, cool. The guy works as a server and needs some excitement. Whatever. But that was just the beginning…
New chick and him were talkin pretty deep. Body language said it all when she turned her back to me. Ten minutes later they were 15 feet away talking on their own. And that’s when I knew I was fucked. Part of me said, “dude, leave now” but the other part said, “FUCKING SOLD OUT THE BLACK KEYS TICKETS!!” So I waited.
She went to the restroom and by that point I was trashed, so I decided to have a chat with Adam. From what I could tell he was a cool dude. I think he wasn’t expecting what she put on his plate. I can cut a bro some slack.
We headed to the show and on the way there I called her out. She admitted he was her ex and she was in love with him. I told her “whatever”, just don’t be a fuckin retard and maybe we can be cool. She agreed.
Towards the end of the show she showed me a text from him saying, “I got you two all access passes!” I thought it was rad until she scampered off by herself. *sigh*
Fifteen minutes later I look to my right and see her dragging him by his hand backstage. Right past me. Not even a look at me. And that’s when I knew it was gonna be a long goddamn walk back to my car.
I texted her, “You literally just walked right by me backstage with your ex. Fuck off.”
Welcome to LA. It’s gonna be a fuckin trip…
1 year agoReason #1: You can copy the mix cds they give you and give them to the other girls you’re dating. And vice versa.
1 year agoOne more thing. If you’ve been seeing an Iranian on a regular basis is it bad form to go on a date with an Iraqi?
1 year agoIf you’re online dating, DON’T LIE ABOUT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. At the very least I’ll find out on a first date.
I’m proposing that everyone involved in online dating make it easy to stalk them so I can find out exactly what they look like BEFORE a first date dammit. Buncha fuckin liars.
1 year agoOk Cupid is AMAZING!! On tap this weekend: a woman who’s mentioned peep shows and choking. Bring popcorn!
2 years ago